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21
Jul 2010
Posted by Jason
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Awesome Home Security Technology

As a brief diversion we thought it’d be worthwhile to suggest some best-practices for building your home which could negate or reduce the need for an electronic security system altogether. For instance, simply building a moat around your house could reduce chances of break-ins by a factor of about 85%, according to our scientists’ estimates, and it could also be used for swimming. Introducing the “Swimming Moat” (Est. cost $275,000 to $650,000, depending on size of home):

Swimming Moat - a home security barrier keeping intruders out, while adding enjoyment for the family!
"Swimming Moat" - Copyright © Steven M. Johnson. Used by permission.

For a more protective home-surround-system which includes aggressive, autonomous-agents (canines) which could fight off potential intruders, we recommend this feature – the “Home Perimeter Dog Run” – a raised balcony walkway that encloses the house. Naturally, you can save by allowing the family pet to double as your autonomous security agent, but we’d encourage you to only do that if your pet is a Doberman Pincher or a Pit Bull. (Est. cost $235,000)

Home Perimeter Dog-Run - a protective shield around the domicile which contains an autonomous security agent (dog).
"Home Perimeter Dog Run" - Copyright © Steven M. Johnson. Used by permission.

For residential owners concerned about potential home invasions, this “Front-Swinging Trapdoor” (Est. cost $35,000) with holding cell can be built as a fake front entrance to a home. The real front door may be located elsewhere, only known to family and friends. The trapdoor functionality could be activated specifically by pressing a button if you don’t like the looks of a person ringing your doorbell, or it can be set to automatically swallow anyone who touches the door (automated swallowing functionality not available for homes in California or Utah). Persons caught with the trapdoor are kept in a holding cell until police can be notified.

Not shown in this diagram is the ample padding that lines the floor and walls of the brick-lined holding cell (padding optional in the state of Texas).

Front-Swinging Trapdoor - for those undesirable and scary house-callers who solicit at your door, and for protection against potential home invasions.
"Front-Swinging Trapdoor" - Copyright © Steven M. Johnson. Used by permission.

While we’ve presented these as potential cost-saving alternatives to electronic security systems and monitoring service, we note that Monitronics security systems could be used in combination with any of the above security features in order to be doubly secure in your home.

(For even more of Steven M. Johnson’s creative security architectural inventions, see “The Enemy at the Door” at Neotorama!)

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